For Your Consideration: MAC AND ME (1988)

I found this little treasure of awfulness and decided to investigate further. It got missed on my first pass through childhood, so here we are, over 25 years later and it demands to be resurfaced.

If you’re not familiar with it, here’s the synopsis:

A troubled child summons the courage to help a friendly alien escape Earth and return to his home-world.

If you’re wondering why I cut and paste the movie synopsis from E.T.’s IMDB page, its because this movie is a total ripoff of that. And that’s all you need to know.

This movie will tell you that its good natured and often funny. This is not the case.

E.T. had the capacity to be loveable.  These aliens are straight out of someone’s drug induced feverish nightmare.

GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME.

A NASA probe came and sucked them up. That’s how they came to Earth.  Trust me, its just as stupid as it sounds.

Even these scientists are like, “Wait, what?”

 

Mac and Me felt that Elliott from E.T. wasn’t sympathetic enough, so we have Eric, who is in a wheelchair and who’s father has just passed away. What happened, you ask? Given how horrifying these aliens are, apparently the movie thought we’d be dealing with enough as it was.

Based on the family photo next to Eric, it seems Dad’s probably just hiding out in Latin America until whatever ugly incident  that he caused blows over.

Probably the most horrifying thing that happens in this movie is watching this kid helplessly roll down the mountain…

…and off a cliff.

Unfortunately, that’s not the most offensive thing in this movie. That honor goes to non stop product placement.

No one drinks anything but Coke.
The aliens will never leave…now that they’ve found Coke.

E.T. at least made Reese’s Pieces into a “sometimes food”. Mac pretty much just starts freebasing Coke.

The action of the scene is all background. Coke would like to politely remind you that its accepting new followers daily.

Quick! No time to waste – pump these aliens full of Coke, STAT!
It didn’t stop with Coke.  McDonald’s got itself a full 15 minute commercial halfway through this movie.
 This film had no good intentions.  NONE.

 


Should you have a fear of clowns, the sound of Ronald McDonalds’ laughter will grip your soul and take you to a deep dark place.

And then the product placements just got weird….

Well done Clearblue. Well done.

Eric and Mac, now disguised as a bear go to the world’s most choreographed birthday party, sponsored of course by McDonald’s. Tons of people turned out for this party….

…and practiced for hours before hand.

Eric came, sat in his wheelchair as usual and got to watch his new buddy show off his working legs in front of him.

Anytime you see an alien ravenously reading the LA Times, know that they are out to destroy us all.

Tell me, does this scene remind you of anything?

Nope, I got nothin’. If someone could enlighten me, I’d really appreciate it.

There’s a scene where the kids try to escape from the law with Mac and his alien family and end up in a grocery store. Its disturbing and upsetting for a number of reasons. First of all, as much as they try to pass this up as comedy, these aliens just look like deformed humans that are naked.

Secondly, people have two reactions upon seeing them. Casual observance and hysteria….

Queue the security guard with an actual gun. The alien responds by taking the gun and discharging it in a store full of adults and children, putting the whole “good natured and often funny romp” claim into question.

 

The conflict gets taken outside where, logically, more shots are fired which causes the supermarket and a nearby gas station to explode. Eric is caught int he explosion and dies.

That’s right. Our hero, already dealt a crappy hand in life, is killed by a freak accident where the aliens he was trying to help, blew up a supermarket that he was in close vicinity to.

All is not entirely lost – they come and raise him from the dead. Your move, E.T.

Not that our immigration system wasn’t broken enough as it is, Mac’s alien family is granted citizenship in exchange for bringing a American boy back from the dead.  There’s no way the thousands of immigrants who are trying to legally get citizenship aren’t feeling the slightest bit of rage.

Also, Eric may be revived from the dead, but that doesn’t mean he gets his legs back.

E.T. probably would have healed his legs. Just sayin’.

Here’s what I imagine the last page of the script reads:

“Our family drives off, looking all American (1950s) and ready to move on with the next phase – everyone will no doubt accept them and not even question what lurks under their weirdly fitting clothes.”

And then they leave us with this threat, which thankfully never came to fruition.

You’re welcome, America.

 

 

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION – Munchie (1992)

Oh, the horror of Munchie.  There are no words.

Sadly, that’s not how a blog works.  So I will find the words to express the soul devastation that is Munchie.

Here’s some trivia for you – Munchie is actually a sequel to a film called Munchies, proving that this film franchise truly did not care. About anything. Certainly entertainment wasn’t on their list of priorities either.

Synopsis in a hurry – a couple of filmmakers who hated life in general ripped off E.T. and Aladdin, suckered Dom Deluise into voicing a character so creepy that its a wonder CPS didn’t put a warning label on the VHS box.

That being said…here’s some moments that made me question why we as humans are allowed to create art.

We open with a man disposing of a box with Munchie inside. If this movie had just been the two minutes of someone getting rid of Munchie’s body, I would have been a huge fan.

Roll the opening credits. We stare at chattering teeth for a good three minutes. I felt ill the whole time.

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

This is our film’s hero. His name is Gauge and he has a lot of problems, so he shuts the world out and stares at women. His future as that guy you avoid at a Starbucks is secure.

Here is the object of his affection.  Its Jennifer Love Hewitt – before she started putting together Client Lists…

Gauge has a run in with the principal, which in his mind, looks like this…

Yes, Satan visits Gauge’s subconscious on a regular basis. Or this is just Satan giving his seal of approval on this movie.

This is Gauge’s mother…and Gauge’s new Dad. He’s great father material because he wears baggy 80s track suits…

Jewelry AND a pencil moustache? How has no one swooped him up yet?!?!?!?

The new family dynamic is a little stressful, so Gauge naturally wanders off into the gates of hell…

Where this is waiting for him.

This is Munchie waiting for Gauge to join him in bed, thus cuing up the most disturbing scene in movie history.

Never mind. Munchie decided to sleep in Gauge’s underwear drawer. The filmmakers shook off any doubts in their hearts and knew that there was no reason a parent wouldn’t want their kids minds opened to this.

Kids, if you find a Satanic minion in a cave, just walk away. Otherwise, it will follow you to school.

I’m not sure which I felt ill at most. The fact that a porn scene almost happens….

Or that Munchie sat and watched it with his fluffy eyebrows.

Meanwhile, Gauge takes a shower….

And Munchie was waiting for him….I am convinced the filmmakers hate children or really anything that has the capacity to give love and receive it.

Case in point – this child was probably instructed to wear gym shorts, but insisted as being as clothed as possible on set.

Everything about this guy screams, “I’m not really a gym teacher.”

Put a violin in this girl’s hand, and you’ve got a good idea what I looked like when I was this age.

Gauge goes to a lonely professor who has a hoarding problem for answers….

And finds that Munchie’s evil has spread throughout the centuries….

NO

WHY IS MUNCHIE NAKED?!?!?!?!

I sense the liver spotted hand of Roger Corman was behind this….

Is it the fact he has teeth that I find so unsettling? Is it the fact he went to a barber and said, “Give me the Hitler?” Or is it the fact that his eyes are huge and devoid of a soul?!?!?!

…but he throws great parties.

The band has “The Director owed us money, didn’t have it, but offered us a part in the movie” written all over it.

New Dad is doing what the audience has been aching for this whole time – he’s thrown Munchie into the trash.

Ever had that nightmare where you, and underage boy and a minion of Hell are taking a roadtrip together?

I did once and this was how I woke up from it….

Munchie makes the Jeep fly – I fantasized about it leaving the Earth’s atmosphere and spontaneously combusting.  It doesn’t happen, but I rarely get what I want in life.

Taken straight out of The Lazy Man’s Guide to Comedy, there’s two cops at a donut shop.

Everyone is okay with Munchie being in their lives. How did that come about? If the filmmakers don’t care then I guess I’m off the hook.

This would not be the first time Jennifer Love Hewitt would have to grin through her teeth at the demands of a unattractive, smart talking, know it all gremlin…(Hollywood, amirite?!??!)

First airlines charge you for luggage and then they hire Munchie to fly planes. I’m officially over air travel.

FYI: This was just the second movie in the Munchie Trilogy. It was followed by…

Just walk away, folks. Walk away….

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