MAID TO ORDER (1987)

You guys…YOU GUYS.

This movie is not to be confused with Maid in Manhattan or any of number of maid themed porn videos that can be found online.  This is also not the American answer to Downton Abbey.

I had totally forgotten this slice of ’80s heaven  until it found me. So I sat down, took it in and was immediately whisked away to a magical place called 1987 where I drank apple juice, ate tuna fish sandwiches and watched this movie when I was done practicing my violin. There might have been a My Little Pony sitting next to me at the time, I don’t know.

The question is, how has this movie held up now that almost 30 years have gone by?

The plot for those of you who never saw it is that Ally Sheedy, years after her stint in breakfast clubs and St. Elmo’s Fires (possibly around the same time as Short Circuit) plays a spoiled rich girl who is about to get un-Cinderellafied, thanks to a fairy godmother who comes in the form of the mom from the Vacation movies. So she becomes a maid and learns important life lessons like how to treat other maids and how to hit on hunky chauffers with budding music careers.

Behold, the most ’80s title cards you will ever see…

I need to point out first and foremost that the fashion in this movie is AMAZING. True, there will never be an occasion to wear a top hat with a giant tulle bow in the back, but this movie gives you hope that maybe someday there will be. Also, this movie would like to hit you over the head with the Cinderella metaphor.

My impression of a cool sort of adulthood was doing exactly this.  I’m sorry to report that this movie lied to me and I have never gotten to do this while wearing that.

Behold another still from the adulthood I’ll never have -looking chic in a ragged ballgown and sunglasses, sitting on the street.

Ally Sheedy doesn’t deserve the life a princess because she asks her father for money and questions charities. I think we’ve all been there.

Enter the fairy godmother – she smokes and in all honesty, is pretty awesome.

Our heroine goes on her first job interview in the best outfit ever (see torn ballgown from above) and is promptly hired to be a maid based on the fact she’s never worked before and that she’s white. She also eats the interviewer’s donuts. This is another lie this movie perpetrates about adulthood – although I’ve never tried any of these tactics while job hunting.

 The story posits that because our heroine is rich and has never had a job, she doesn’t know what hair plugs or that you shouldn’t point at people’s bandages and ask what happened. 

Once again, a classic movie trope – the sassy black friend!

“She’s white and therefore I have no faith in her as a maid.  Also, I’m a cook and not a  singer. Not that you asked.”

I don’t care how much life experience you have – ironing Spandex is difficult. It should also be said that leopard print ones should never been allowed in the first place.

The other maid hates her – she’s also sassy but in a non sassy black friend sort of way.

Behold the best part of this movie. THESE TWO. Honestly, they should have been given their own movie. Or a show. I spent this movie wanting to spend more time with them

Our heroine spends her day off wearing a Prince shirt, high waisted jeans and going through her coworkers stuff.. I’d criticize her, but I think we’ve all been there.

She learns how to ride a bus – I think this was the low point in her character arc.

“Girl, I am a cook and not a singer, so stop bugging me to sing for you.  Don’t make me sing, because I’ll do it….”

 “Look, I’m just a poor chauffer that’s actually a talented songwriter who no one will give a chance.  Also, you’re the only available girl here so we’re going to start up an obligatory relationship despite a differences in background. Wanna go eat Mexican food in a seedy, non health regulated restaurant?”

 Seriously, these two should have their own movie.  SOMETHING.

 “Well, you earned minimum wage and made friends with people from a lower tax bracket than you. I’d say you learned your lesson and get your old life back. I hope the lesson sticks because I’d hate to put you somewhere where you’re actually surrounded by a lower class.”

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