FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION – A Talking Cat?!?!?! (2013

Right away, I want to give this movie the award for worst title of a movie ever. If you’ve ever taken bad Photoshop as a warning, heed these factors when looking at the poster for this movie.

1). The movie features a different cat.
2). No one has a lawn in this movie
3). Same for the fence.
4). The emotions shown on the poster were not found anywhere in the movie. People took the fact that a cat was given the gift of speech with mild if not dull surprise.

Here’s the synopsis of the movie: A cat talks.

There.

Was that answer too short for you?  Fine – a cat talks and people act mildly surprised.  Also Eric Roberts voices the cat in such a way that if you listen closely you can hear him do it over a iPhone.

Before we get started, lets see what else director David deCocteau has done…

Okaaaaay. He seems to like cats.

Um…okaaay.

Here’s the moments that were forever put on film to be enjoyed for centuries to come (really more of a threat to the actors involved than anything else…)

Cue the opening credits which was really just someone’s screensaver on their computer.

 

We meet this man – his face is large and doughy and we learn that he is wealthy and retired from a company that does computer things.

 

We meet his son – a whisper thin lad who talks about liking girls, but who’s body language says a very different story.

 

 

 

Dad comes home and we’re immediately plunged into a world where if you’re not uncomfortable, something is very very wrong.

Meanwhile, across town…and by town I mean in a forest location that in no way looks anywhere near the other location…

There’s a woman who is confused and can’t find shoes, and a daughter who chooses to ignore reality.

And her son who remains pretty noncommital about his part in this whole movie.

Mom tries…

Yeah…probably best to let him sit on couches and be pretty.

And a cat stops by. To talk to them.  Because he’s a talking cat.

Back in Mr. Doughy’s lavish estate, his son and defintely not someone the director met while having lunch at the Standard in West Hollywood, answers the door to a girl.  Here’s where this actor is going to have to do some actual acting and act interested in her.

Spoiler alert: he fails.

 

Dad walks around in this shirt…

Lets get a closer look at that, shall we?

What exactly does that mean?

And now…back to our family centric film.

The cat is talking. Its totally believable.

See?

The movie is a little hazy on how the cat talks. Apparently, its just none of our business.

That cat is totally talking and in no way makes me think of Eric Roberts doing a voiceover in the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Cabin Mom and Doughy Dad are bonding…over cheesepuffs. And in no way did Doughy Dad remind me of this…

Nope. Not at all.

While that’s happening, his son is confronting his fear of the water with Cabin Son…

My heart says that a gay porn scene is not about to break out…however its always wrong when it tells me to stop at Taco Bell so I don’t know…

Fast forward a few minutes…

He’s still trying to give it a go with this whole girl thing. Kind of like when I try to go gluten free for any amount of time.  Its just not going to happen.

Nothing to see here. Just a man at home with his weird and creepy tree/shoe sculpture.

At one juncture the movie pretends to have a plot in which the cat gets hit by a car….

“Is he okay? Are we keeping him comfortable?”

If comfortable means having him stretched on a bed, staring at a laser pointer and draping cheesecloth on his head, then yes…he’s going to be fine.

And then they do that thing that nobody else does and makes it a group activity to watch a cat drink from a dish.

Which no doubt gave the director an idea for his next movie…

 

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